I harbor a secret, OK not so secret, passion to time travel. It’s one of the reasons I write. As I take Connie through the brothels and tent town of 1850 San Francisco I am learning important rules for any time traveler.

These rules are independant of the method used to travel, you could use a H.G.Wells machine or ride on the back of a dragon, the fact is that you would face the same societal issues. Well, the dragon might add drama. But in any event there are things that one should do and not do. I think they are worth noting.

1. Dude, righteous, awesome and bitchin’ do not mean what you think they do. Nor does any other slang.  Speak properly.
2. Remember, you know the future. AT&T, IBM, AAPL, GOOG. “Nuff said?
3. Amnesia, it’s not just for cheesy daytime TV.
4. History classes. Be proactive. Go to them now. Learn your history particularly the history of the area in which you live. Who knows what you will need?
5. Brush your teeth.
6. Don’t drink the water. There’s a reason that they didn’t.
7. Be polite.  It’s only been in the past 50 years or so that we’ve stopped calling people Mr. and Mrs. etc.  You may not need it, but it couldn’t hurt. Please and thank you might be nice too and it would make your Mom happy.
8. When in doubt, swoon.
9. You come from an information age..you, perchance, go to an information-less (as in less than we have now) age. You may want to suck up to a newspaper editor, town crier or bard. No interwebs, baby.
10. It’s okay to stink, everybody stinks.  Get a pomander and shove your nose in it.
11. If you are an Evil Overlord, destroy the time machine. Nothing good can come of it.
12. Don’t assume! You may not make an ass out of me, but you will definitely make one out of you.
13. Do you know how hard it is to split wood? No? Bring a teen along they have piles of energy.
14. INFECTION….ewwwww. Oozing pus, gangrene and nasty smelling bits of flesh. Time for lunch! Keep the simple cuts very clean, it’s your best defense in the absence of antibiotics.
15. Simple Machines…know them, love them. (Lever, pulley, wedge, inclined plane, wheel & axel, screw)
16. The contraceptive effects of Depo-Provera wear off in anywhere from 3 to 18 months. Care for a game of Roulette?